For the most part my life is going great right now. I have a good job, I have great friends, and my family is being so accepting of me being gay (my aunt and uncle now know, also). I have so much to be thankful for, and I am really, really happy in my life right now. Ever since coming into the gay community five months ago, I have met some amazing people who have really been instrumental in me getting to where I am today. I have become completely aware of myself, and I am comfortable with who I am, thanks in part to these wonderful people.
There is just one thing in my life that I can't seem to handle. It's the fact that so many gay people are so depressed and down on themselves. I am a naturally optimistic person, and I hate being sad, angry, depressed, or whatnot. I avoid those self-destructive feelings like the plague. I went through too much of that on my mission and I know first-hand just how destructive they are. But, whenever someone close to me tells me that they are sad or depressed, I end up feeling sad or depressed for them. I have a very close friend, who is down more often than not, it seems. I want to help, but I always end up feeling so down that I can't do anything about it. I end up shutting out this person because I can't handle being that way any longer. He takes my silence as a lack of caring or indifference to his situation and he always manages to make me feel even worse for not talking about it. It's very true when they say that emotions are contagious, especially the bad ones. I just wish I could infuse some of my happiness into him. I hate seeing him suffer like this. I still have very strong feelings for this individual and I am still trying to get over him, but I hope that he can understand why it's so hard for me. I know too well what he is going through. But because I know it too well, I don't want to go through that again myself. That's why I end up shutting him out. Sometimes I just can't handle being around people like that. And I am pretty sure I'm not the only one.