Monday, April 19, 2010

And This Is How It All Happened....

Last night began like any other Sunday evening.  I was in the middle of surfing the internet, chatting with people via Facebook, text, telepathy, etc.  I get a phone call from my mother and this is pretty much what went down:

Mother: "You know that I'm your mother, right? And that you can tell me anything, right?"
Me: "Yeah. Why?"
Mom: "Well, is there anything you want to tell me?"

Silence.  Seriously, I must've sat there for about two whole minutes not saying a word.  My heart was beating out of my chest.  I knew that this was it.

Me: "I'm guessing since you are calling and asking me this, that you pretty much already know."
Mom: "So, are you.....?" (Note how she shies away from the g- word)
Me: "Yes."
Mom: "How long have you known?"
Me: "To be honest, pretty much since Middle School."

I think this threw my mom for a loop.  She went on to remind me that they (my mom and dad) have asked me a few times in the past if I was gay and I always denied it.  I told her that growing up in the environment in which I did, that I was never really comfortable with it.  But now I am much more comfortable with it.

Mom: "So, when were you going to tell us?"
Me: "This summer, whenever I come home next."
Mom: "Are you okay with it?"
Me: "I am now.  I have really come to terms with being gay."

This is the first time that that word was used in our conversation, and it actually startled my mom.  She said, "It's so weird to actually hear you say that word."  I told her that if it bothered her, I wouldn't say it. She said that it was fine, it was just a little jolting to hear it out loud from my mouth.

Me: "Can I ask you what prompted you to call me and ask me this?"
Mom: "I've just noticed that all of your friends that you've added recently on Facebook are guys." Oh, great. My mom, the Facebook stalker.  "There is, like, one girl for every twenty guys that are your friends. And all of the guys have things like 'Pride' or 'Equal Rights' posted on their profiles."  Yes, people, you may have been stalked by my mother on Facebook.
Me: "Well, this isn't how I wanted you to find out.  I wanted to tell you face-to-face. But, I'm glad it's out there now."

My mom then went on to ask the obvious questions, like "How do you feel about the church?" and "Will you still be able to go to BYU? Do you still want to go to BYU?"  I was brutally honest with her; I told her that my faith in the church has never really been that strong, and that I usually just attend Sacrament Meeting, but not the other meetings.  I told her that I was still planning on finishing up and graduating from BYU.

Mom: "Are you in a relationship?"
Me: "No."
Mom: "Have you been in a relationship?"
Me: "No."
Mom: "Okay. 'Cause you know that, with the church, you can have only one or the other.  You can't have both."
Me: "Yes. I know that."

And then I throw the mother of all questions at her.  I know that this will determine exactly what my mother's true feelings are.

Me: "What would you think if I did get in a relationship, and got myself a partner?"
At first, she is silent. But then, "It wouldn't be easy.  It would hurt.  But, as with -------- and -------- (two friends of our family who are gay), I would just want you to be happy."

YES! That is pretty much what I wanted to hear.  I was so happy to hear that!  This was the point at which I could feel a burden being lifted off my shoulders.  At this point, I was so glad that we had this conversation.

We talked for another 10 minutes or so.  She said, "I'm gonna have a million questions for you." I said that I know and that she can call me anytime to ask me.

I feel so amazing right now.  I knew that coming out would be a relief, but I never expected it to be like this.  Me and my mother had an intelligent, mature conversation about my homosexuality, which is the best I could have ever hoped for.  And she shows all the signs of being a supporting mother who just wants me to be happy.  So, that is how it all went down last night.  Although it really wasn't my time or place of choice to do it, I am so glad that it's out there and that I don't have to pretend to be somebody I'm not around my mother.


  1. that's really great how it all went down. I'm glad your mother was cool.

  2. How wonderful! I wish my mom will take it as seemingly casual as yours did, facebook stalking aside. Enjoy the burdenless peace of mind!

  3. Congratulations. And I'm jealous.

  4. I was so happy to read this post. My mom processed things in a similar way to yours. It's inspiring to know that there ARE truly loving and Christian mothers other than my own out there. It breaks my heart to hear friends talk about how parents practically disown them.

    My mom told me the same words: "I just want you to be happy." Those are some of the most beautiful and heartfelt words I've ever received in my life. To be a mother and hold on to her faith and at the same time love her child enough to want him/her to be happy, even if it means leaving the church. The love a mother can have for her child really is beautiful.

    I suppose we just lucked out with amazing moms. :)

  5. Im so glad that it went like this! She sounds like she really took it well and you two were able to talk it out. :)

    This made me lol btw: Yes, people, you may have been stalked by my mother on Facebook.

  6. Good that it all worked out for you.

  7. Awesome. I can only hope that my experience will be awesome like this--HUG!

  8. Congratulations. Your mom seems like a great lady. How many parents have the nerve (or love) to ask their kids if they're gay? Thanks for sharing.

  9. wow, thats awesome! and you're really mom forced it out of me in a walmart parking lot (we were waiting for my tires to be fixed) and although things are pretty good now, i don't really remember her ever saying "whatever makes you happy" or anything along those lines. I'm really, really happy for you :)

  10. Yay for you! That is so exciting! I was really nervous for you when I first saw the title of the post, but then...I kept reading.

    I am so...thankful that you have such a kind and understanding mother. You are extremely blessed. I hope you know that.

    I think it's time for a celebration! Yogurt?

  11. awesome! i wish i could've had a conversation like that with my mom.