I want to crawl into a deep, dark cave and stay there forever.
Anytime a friend of mine says that he/she is feeling bad or angry or sad or depressed, I somehow always manage to convince myself that it's all my fault. Therefore, I get angry/sad/depressed as well. This is how I feel tonight.
I'm a naturally sarcastic person. This means that sometimes, without even thinking about it, I can be mean and rude and hurtful by the things I say. When I get nervous or anxious, I can get kind of overboard with the sarcasm and teasing. When I'm around a certain person (who I really like), I manage to get this way. I get nervous because I want to impress him. I tease him in what I think is a joking way, but it's after several of these teasings that I finally realize that I've gone too far. I always try to brush it off by saying "I'm only mean to people I really like. It's when I start being nice to you that you have to worry." That's bullshit. And I know it. I really need to treat my friends like they mean something to me. Like I want them to remain close to me. No more of this teasing crap. I don't want to be known as "the bitch" amongst my friends.
So, to this certain person that I may have offended tonight, I want to say:
I'm sorry. I love you more than you probably know. You have brought so much light and happiness into my life since we met. I don't want to lose such a great friend. My actions are out of line, and I am going to try my hardest to work on it. I love how we text so much that I have to clear my inbox almost once a day. I admire your strength and stamina when dealing with your thankless job. I absolutely adore your new glasses (you look sexy in them!). And I love how sometimes we can say nothing at all, but still be saying so much. Again, I'm so sorry for being such a jackass.