Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Going Home

I am leaving to go home early tomorrow morning, so this will probably be my last post for the year. None of my family knows that I am gay, and posting on my blog from home is too risky.

Which brings me to another point. Should I tell my parents that I am gay while I am home? I know my family's stance on homosexuality, which is the same as most highly conservative Mormon families. I have debated telling them for about a year now, but still have not had the guts to go through with it. I keep telling myself that I will cross that bridge when I come to it, but I have noticed that I have purposefully been avoiding that bridge for a very long time. I mean, it may not even come as a surprise to them (I have shown gay traits ever since I was six, when I would choreograph dance routines to CĂ©line Dion songs). My parents even caught me looking at gay porn in high school. I told them that I was over it when I came out to BYU and then went on my mission. But all my life, I have been taught by my parents that being gay is a sin and that gays will go to hell. Maybe this was their way of discouraging my gay traits. Thanks for the lifetime of support, mom and dad!

So, anyway, I could tell them the truth and and be done with it, but endure the shame of my family (especially my younger brother, who will undoubtedly use my homosexuality against me) forever. Or, I could allow my family to remain blissfully unaware of my actual orientation, but at the same time, not allowing me to be myself. I would be lying to everyone, including myself.


  1. You don't have to listen to me but for what is worth, don't feel pressured to do anything. There's no obligation for you to come out than anyone else revealing anything about their lives to the family especially around these days, it is already stressful enough, but you will know when it is the right time. Don't feel guilty for not telling anyone, it has to be done at the right time and in the right place when you feel comfortable...

  2. I think the timing should be a matter of prayer and on your timeline, but I recommend sooner than later. Acceptence is the antedote to shame. Accept yourself and pray they will too.

    It becomes increasingly hard to live a life of secrecy. Hopefully your family will be supportive. Remember that their biggest questions will be 'what now?' What does it mean for your future?

    Good luck and enjoy the holidays.

  3. I agree with what has been said above. Its something that you shouldn't put off too long, but don't rush into it just for the heck of it. I've found that waiting so long kind of put my parents behind the curve...Also, be completely honest with them once you do decide to tell them. Its better to get it all out in the open at once.

    They might surprise you, like my parents have--they've been pretty supportive. You could be the foundation for a better family--one that is more accepting and tolerant of others.

    Lastly, consider having some literature ready for your family to read if they want to. I really like Carol Lynne Pearson's books, and I especially recommend her book "No More Goodbyes." She's a member so that might help your family feel more comfortable reading it.

  4. I also agree with everything that has been said - do it when it is right for you. Coming out to my family (parents first, siblings later) was one of the best things I have done. My family has been overwhelmingly accepting of everything.

    Pray to be ready for it when the time comes, and when it does, you'll know.

    Merry Christmas Man!

  5. I can second the recommendation for No More Goodbyes - it made a world of difference with my parents. The important thing to think about is what do you hope to gain by coming out to your parents? What are the potential consequences? I am a huge advocate of living honestly, the rewards are SO much bigger. Just remember that once you come out you can't reverse it.