Wow. This is why I choose not to go to church anymore. This is why I do not watch General Conference. Elder Packer, I could punch you in the face right now and not feel the least bit guilty. You are a mean and intolerant human being who only demeans and brings down others. You are not being spiritually uplifting in the slightest.
In the wake of all the recent gay suicides in the past few weeks, you would think the Church would try to be a little more understand and sympathetic towards the gays. I guess that was too much to ask. Instead the Church keeps going on a rampage against gays. Packer basically states that those who are gay, are that way because they have sinned in some way and are being punished for their "abominations." How dare you, you pretentious jerk! You think by saying this, you are bringing comfort to those who have tried and tried for years to suppress and deny their innate feelings? No! You are just making them feel worse about themselves and driving them deeper into the closet.
This amounts to nothing more than playground bullying. As Ellen says in the video I posted below, "there are messages everywhere that validate this kind of bullying and taunting, and we have to make it stop. We can't let ignorance or intolerance take another kid's life." Elder Packer's talk is one of those messages that "validate" and reinforce teenage bullying. This needs to stop. My worst fear is that this talk could result in more gay suicides.
For those of you who listened to Elder Packer's talk and feel like you may want to do something harmful, please, please, do not do anything rash. This is one man's thoughts; there are so many more out there who love you and support you. You are not this way because of your "sins and abominations." You were born this way. That is something only we can truly understand. God loves you, no matter if you are gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, transgender, whatever you might be. God makes no mistakes - you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are. I love you, and want you to be okay. You may not know it (I didn't for the longest time), but there are people so close to you that feel the same way you do. They are also suffering in silence. It may not feel like it now, but you are not alone.
If you feel like you may do something harmful to yourself, please call 1-866-488-7386. The Trevor Project is a free, national suicide hotline for gay teens.
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Thoughts on Church
A friend and I recently had a quick discussion on going to church. He asked where I stood in regards to having to attend church in order to be a student at BYU. I told him that, for me, I don't get much out of going to church. I only end up feeling bad about myself and it increases my feeling of being in a place where I don't belong. Last year, I only went to church in order to maintain my Ecclesiastical Endorsement. For those who do not know what I am talking about, BYU students are required to be annually endorsed by his/her bishop. This "endorsement" tells the University and the Church that that student is worthy to attend BYU. Because I am in my last year at BYU, this was the last endorsement that I would have to get. So, I went to church almost every week until I had my interview with my bishop (in which, of course, I was not completely honest about my life - I never told him I was gay) and I got my final Ecclesiastical Endorsement. After that, I stopped going to church completely. I do not think I have stepped foot into a church building since that day in the middle of March.
Church has always been hard for me. I used to (and still do) dread those three painful hours every Sunday. I never knew what someone was going to say that would be another blow to my self-esteem. It was almost like a constant barrage that would never let up. Every week, thoughts like "You are not worthy" and "You are a sinner" would pervade my mind. I would count down the minutes until I could escape. But because I was supposed to be the example of a good, Mormon boy, I put on a brave face and got through it. Almost every week, I came home even more defeated and down on myself than before. And trust me, I am not the only one who has and does feel this way. How can something that proclaims to be so good for everybody cause so much despair and anguish?
I recently had a conversation with my mother regarding how I feel about the church and their stance on homosexuality. I told her what I wrote in the last paragraph, and then told her that in the LDS church, they put so much emphasis on what you should not do, that it causes young men and women to develop a distorted mindset about those who live their lives differently. The LDS church teaches it's members to not drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, get tattoos, or be gay, among other "no-no's." After this has been ingrained in their minds long enough, anyone with does any of these things becomes the epitome of sin. I used to see the world through these eyes as well. Growing up, if I would ever see someone smoking, that person was a "bad person." Those people standing in line at Starbucks were "bad people." That motorcyclist with tattoos up and down his arm was a "bad person." I had no idea who these people were, but because of what and how the church teaches, I was trained to believe that these people were naturally bad and not worthy of what I had.
The same goes for gays, lesbians, transgenders, etc. Because somebody is gay, that automatically makes them not worthy? But who is to judge who is worthy, and who isn't? I believe that is the sole responsibility of God. No man should ever judge another because he or she may live a different lifestyle.
That is why I feel that I do not belong in the church. I am not saying that all members of the church are this way, but it is a highly prevalent ideology among Latter-day Saints that anyone who is different is a sinner. And when a high-ranking Church leader basically says that atheists and homosexuals would bring about the end of world and organized religion altogether, it only allows this mindset to fester and further develop among members (Click here for the church's reporting on that talk - check out the last bullet point, and here for a gay perspective).
I am gay and not a sinner. Let me say that again. I AM NOT A SINNER! I am worthy of whatever anyone else is worthy of receiving in the next life. If I was born with an attraction to men rather than women (and, YES, you are born gay - it is NOT a choice), it does not make me a "bad person." It just makes me different. And as far as I am concerned, if I am in a relationship with another man, that is between me and him. No one else. Period.
Do not get me wrong, I do not hate the LDS church. It is just not for me. And I completely understand that for some people, the Church is what they need. I try to be respectful of those who do need it. I recently moved in with my aunt and uncle, who are very active in the church. I participate in their family prayers when I am present for them, and I still respect their wanting to keep the Sabbath Day holy, and, out of respect for them, I have removed all my rated R movies from my collection and put them in my room. My aunt and uncle are wonderful people and I love them very much. They were incredibly understanding when they found out I was gay. I am so grateful for them letting me stay with them so I can save money. For them, the Church is everything, which is perfectly fine and I understand it. But as for me, I do not foresee me going back to church anytime soon.
Church has always been hard for me. I used to (and still do) dread those three painful hours every Sunday. I never knew what someone was going to say that would be another blow to my self-esteem. It was almost like a constant barrage that would never let up. Every week, thoughts like "You are not worthy" and "You are a sinner" would pervade my mind. I would count down the minutes until I could escape. But because I was supposed to be the example of a good, Mormon boy, I put on a brave face and got through it. Almost every week, I came home even more defeated and down on myself than before. And trust me, I am not the only one who has and does feel this way. How can something that proclaims to be so good for everybody cause so much despair and anguish?
I recently had a conversation with my mother regarding how I feel about the church and their stance on homosexuality. I told her what I wrote in the last paragraph, and then told her that in the LDS church, they put so much emphasis on what you should not do, that it causes young men and women to develop a distorted mindset about those who live their lives differently. The LDS church teaches it's members to not drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, get tattoos, or be gay, among other "no-no's." After this has been ingrained in their minds long enough, anyone with does any of these things becomes the epitome of sin. I used to see the world through these eyes as well. Growing up, if I would ever see someone smoking, that person was a "bad person." Those people standing in line at Starbucks were "bad people." That motorcyclist with tattoos up and down his arm was a "bad person." I had no idea who these people were, but because of what and how the church teaches, I was trained to believe that these people were naturally bad and not worthy of what I had.
The same goes for gays, lesbians, transgenders, etc. Because somebody is gay, that automatically makes them not worthy? But who is to judge who is worthy, and who isn't? I believe that is the sole responsibility of God. No man should ever judge another because he or she may live a different lifestyle.
That is why I feel that I do not belong in the church. I am not saying that all members of the church are this way, but it is a highly prevalent ideology among Latter-day Saints that anyone who is different is a sinner. And when a high-ranking Church leader basically says that atheists and homosexuals would bring about the end of world and organized religion altogether, it only allows this mindset to fester and further develop among members (Click here for the church's reporting on that talk - check out the last bullet point, and here for a gay perspective).
I am gay and not a sinner. Let me say that again. I AM NOT A SINNER! I am worthy of whatever anyone else is worthy of receiving in the next life. If I was born with an attraction to men rather than women (and, YES, you are born gay - it is NOT a choice), it does not make me a "bad person." It just makes me different. And as far as I am concerned, if I am in a relationship with another man, that is between me and him. No one else. Period.
Do not get me wrong, I do not hate the LDS church. It is just not for me. And I completely understand that for some people, the Church is what they need. I try to be respectful of those who do need it. I recently moved in with my aunt and uncle, who are very active in the church. I participate in their family prayers when I am present for them, and I still respect their wanting to keep the Sabbath Day holy, and, out of respect for them, I have removed all my rated R movies from my collection and put them in my room. My aunt and uncle are wonderful people and I love them very much. They were incredibly understanding when they found out I was gay. I am so grateful for them letting me stay with them so I can save money. For them, the Church is everything, which is perfectly fine and I understand it. But as for me, I do not foresee me going back to church anytime soon.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Dreaded Phone Call
7:30pm - Unknown Utah phone number calls me on my cell phone. Usually when this happens, it's somebody from the ward asking when and where FHE is (I am FHE coordinator for the ward). Seeing as it is a Tuesday, I should have sensed that something was awry. But being the curious person that I am, I decided to answer just to ease my curiosity. It was the dreaded phone call from the first counselor in the bishopric. My heart sank when I heard these words: "Bro. so-and-so, would you be able to give a talk in sacrament meeting this coming Sunday?" Sunday? This Sunday? I'm going out of town for MLK weekend! Maybe there's hope. "Oh this Sunday I'll be out of town for the long weekend. Sorry," I reply. I pray that they have plans for the next few Sundays to come, but, alas, this is never the case in the Mormon Church. They always have backup plans. "Well, how about the following week? Or you could even do it on the 31st," was his reply. Noooooo! I thought. But what was I suppsed to tell him? Oh, actually I don't really want to because I cannot continue to attend a church that discriminates against who I am. These words are probably best saved for a meeting with the Bishop, not as a way to get out of a Sacrament Talk. So, anyway, my topic for this joyous occasion is "Making Choices." I admit it's not the worst topic to be given, but I still would rather not do the whole thing at all. I have always been bad at public speaking. Every talk that I have given has turned into a disaster. A talk that I planned to be 15 minutes, ended up being 5 because I began racing through my outline so fast and I skipped several key points so that I am sure it didn't make a lick of sense to anybody.
Bah! Why? Why me? I don't want to give this talk, but as I am still not out to anybody, I am still keeping up appearances to please those around me. I really need to break out of this shell that I have been put into. I am tired of being someone I am not.
Anyway, to end this post on a lighter note, I have decided to leave you with this scene from one of my all-time favorite movies:
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