*Schoolgirl Giggle*

Cam and Mitchell may be my favorite TV couple....ever.  If you do not watch the glorious show that is Modern Family, you are seriously missing out.  This clip is hilarious.  Not to mention that James Marsden is hawt.  But the best is Cam's schoolgirl giggle at the end.  Just watch....and laugh. :)

Christmas 2010

This Christmas was awesome. I didn't get the chance to go home to Georgia this year, so I spent the week working, gathering tons of hours (which means lots of $$$). I spent the Christmas weekend with my awesome Aunt and Uncle and two cousins. We had a great weekend. We went and saw The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader on Christmas Eve.

I didn't care for the movie much, and I was surprised at the extreme overtness of the Christian themes. I liked the previous movies because the religious themes and concepts were more low-key and you had to read between the lines to see them. This movie, however, seemed to throw them in your face. Toward the end of the movie, Aslan basically tells the children that he is God in their world. I don't mind religious undertones in movies (such as Star Wars, which are full of religious undertones), as long as they don't try too hard to explain them to the audience.

That night, went home for Christmas Eve dinner. Crab legs galore! Oh, it was so delicious! I ended up watching the 1947 version of Miracle on 34th Street and I LOVED it. I love old movies. There is something so grand and monumental about the early days of cinema. You just don't find movies like Gone with the Wind and Casablanca anymore.

So Santa came and apparently I have been a good boy this year, cause he brought me plenty of nice things. I got plenty of things I asked for and several things I didn't ask for, but were awesome gifts nonetheless. The madre and the padre got me new Software for Carmina, my precious MacBook. They got me Microsoft Office for Mac and the new iLife software. My two brothers went in together and got me a new board game. My sister got me a super nice purple shirt (I <3 purple; it's my fave color) from H&M. And my little six year-old sister made me a Christmas ornament, which was so cute. I also got a bunch of random stuff like scarves, candy, gift cards, and some DVDs.

My aunt and uncle got me an H&M gift card, which I am super excited to use, but there is a slight problem. There is no H&M store in the state of Utah. The upside of this is that it gives me the perfect opportunity to make a road trip to Vegas (or Portland, which I have been meaning to visit for a while now. It may or may not have something to do with a boy I have been talking to as of late). ;)

So that was my Christmas. It was a really good one, even though I didn't get to go home. But my aunt and uncle are fabulous for hosting me and they made it a great Christmas.

I hope each and every one of you, my dear readers, had a fabulous Christmas and hope you have a wonderful year in 2011. :D

Survivor Surprise

My biggest guilty pleasure is the reality show Survivor.  I'm sorta ashamed to admit it, but I have seen every season (besides the one that aired when I was on my mission, which just so happens to be the season when cutie Todd Herzog, the gay Mormon from Pleasant Grove, UT won).

So anyway, the finale of the 21st season aired last night.  I always love watching the reunion show afterward, mostly to see how everybody changes in the months between filming the show on the island and now.  It's always interesting to see how makeup and clothes and shampoo and razors change how people look.  I believe the best transformation last night was of the eventual winner, Fabio.  He never really did anything for me on the show (none of the cast really did - unlike some previous contestants, such as Colby from Survivor: Outback, or Bobby Jon from Survivor: Palau).  But his transformation on the live reunion show last night took me by surprise.  This is Fabio before/during the filming of the season:

And now this was him last night on the live reunion show:

Wow! I was impressed. He turned into a stud muffin.  Maybe it was the different hairdo, maybe it was the lighting in the television studio, maybe it was the awesome shirt he was wearing.  Perhaps it could have been because he just won a million dollars. I really don't know.  All I do know, is that last night, I was hot for Fabio.

I Heart Post Secrets

PostSecret.com may be one of my favorite websites.  Some of the things sent in are cute, some are hilarious, and some are downright heartbreaking.  These two, in particular, caught my eye recently, and both made me tear up a little.

Several people have told me recently that watching gay characters on television, like Kurt from Glee, or Cam and Mitchell from Modern Family, have helped them understand and be more accepting of gays.  I certainly can relate to Kurt and his struggles, and seeing that play out on television for the world to see is a relief, and yes, has "helped ME realize that it's okay to be me."

Thanks to my awesome friend Konrad for this one!  He recently posted it on his blog and I loved it so much that I had to post it on mine.

What is Your Favorite Christmas Movie?

I love Christmastime.  I'm not ashamed to admit it.  I get giddy when I see Christmas lights.  I turn up the Holiday tunes as soon as it becomes socially acceptable for me to do so.  And I absolutely LOVE Christmas-themed movies (or movies that take place during the Christmas season). So I compiled a list of some of my favorite Holiday movies.  But I really would like to know YOUR favorite Christmas movie (plus it gives me a good opportunity to try this new polling system I found).





Bonus Points to whoever can guess MY favorite Christmas Movie from this quote:

Kid: "We've been given our parts in the Nativity play. And I'm The Lobster."
Mom: "The Lobster?"
Kid: "Yeah."
Mom: "In the Nativity play?"
Kid: "Yeah. First Lobster."
Mom: "There was more than one Lobster present at the birth of Jesus?"
Kid: "Duh."

FTW or WTF? #2: Oscar 2011 Cohosts

It was announced today that the co-hosts for next February's annual Academy Awards are none other than the veteran and experienced duo of.....Anne Hathaway and James Franco? Umm, did I read that right? Let me double check....yup, that seems to be right.

My initial reaction to the announcement was WTF, but the more time I give the idea, the more it is turning into FTW. First off, I am not the biggest Anne Hathaway fan. But she has hosted SNL....twice! And did a fantastic job both times. Also, she has performed several times on stage, including Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, to which she got rave reviews.  So she has proven herself as one who can hold her own in the live spotlight.

As for James Franco.....eye candy. Need I say more? Mmmmmm :)

So between the two, I do believe they will be able to pull it off. I am giving this announcement a FTW!

FTW or WTF? #1: Mean Girls 2

Who ever came up with this idea should be locked away FOREVER!  My only consolation is that it's going to be a straight-to-DVD release, which means it will never appear on the big screen.  But still, they are going to ruin one of my all-time favorite movies. Ugh! *shakes fist in anger at the Gods that allowed such blasphemy to occur*

For this first edition of "FTW or WTF?" I give Mean Girls 2 a huge, resounding WTF?!

Christmas Music

I have a confession to make.  I secretly love Christmas music.  Doesn't matter if it's religious-based or just plain pop fun.  I try every year to at least make it past my birthday (Nov. 13) to break out the holiday tunes.  This year I did pretty well.  I made it till about the 11th, but that was because a friend of mine told me he was desperate for some Christmas music.  So I told him that I had an extensive collection of Xmas music, and that I would be glad to help him expand his own library.  So, what have I been (secretly) listening to the last two weeks?  Yup, you guessed it.

Phew!  Feels good to get that off my chest.

PS If you are wondering what my favorite Christmas song is, please allow me to show you:

Lucy

I have never connected more with the character of Lucy from the musical Jekyll & Hyde than I do right now.  An outcast, living in a world that doesn't seem to accept her.

A New Life

Someone Like You

I know, I only have six more months til I graduate and can get the hell out of Utah, but that six months seems like an eternity right now.  I don't belong here and I feel almost like life is passing me by while I finish my sentence in this hell-hole.  There are opportunities out there that probably won't be available to me in six months.  I really want to get out of here, but I also realize that I need to stick it through and just finish school.  I will be the first in my immediate family to graduate from a post-secondary school, and it means a lot for me to do be able to do that.

Ugh.  I don't mean this to be one of those I-want-you-to-feel-bad-for-me posts, cause, in all honesty, I am not mad, depressed, or angry over my situation.  I just kinda wish I had taken a different path in life that would have offered me more opportunities.  Oh well, I guess that is just a part of life and I must learn from my mistakes.

National Coming Out Day

Happy National Coming Out Day!  Oh and happy Colombus Day! And we can't forget our friends to the north - Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!  All sorts of happiness and joy being spread on this great day!

The Church Is One, Big Playground Bully

Wow. This is why I choose not to go to church anymore. This is why I do not watch General Conference.  Elder Packer, I could punch you in the face right now and not feel the least bit guilty.  You are a mean and intolerant human being who only demeans and brings down others.  You are not being spiritually uplifting in the slightest.

In the wake of all the recent gay suicides in the past few weeks, you would think the Church would try to be a little more understand and sympathetic towards the gays.  I guess that was too much to ask.  Instead the Church keeps going on a rampage against gays.  Packer basically states that those who are gay, are that way because they have sinned in some way and are being punished for their "abominations."  How dare you, you pretentious jerk!  You think by saying this, you are bringing comfort to those who have tried and tried for years to suppress and deny their innate feelings?  No!  You are just making them feel worse about themselves and driving them deeper into the closet.

This amounts to nothing more than playground bullying.  As Ellen says in the video I posted below, "there are messages everywhere that validate this kind of bullying and taunting, and we have to make it stop. We can't let ignorance or intolerance take another kid's life."  Elder Packer's talk is one of those messages that "validate" and reinforce teenage bullying.  This needs to stop.  My worst fear is that this talk could result in more gay suicides.

For those of you who listened to Elder Packer's talk and feel like you may want to do something harmful, please, please, do not do anything rash.  This is one man's thoughts; there are so many more out there who love you and support you.  You are not this way because of your "sins and abominations."  You were born this way.  That is something only we can truly understand.  God loves you, no matter if you are gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, transgender, whatever you might be.  God makes no mistakes - you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are.  I love you, and want you to be okay.  You may not know it (I didn't for the longest time), but there are people so close to you that feel the same way you do. They are also suffering in silence.  It may not feel like it now, but you are not alone.

If you feel like you may do something harmful to yourself, please call 1-866-488-7386.  The Trevor Project is a free, national suicide hotline for gay teens.

Born This Way

"I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes.  I'm on the right track, baby, I was BORN THIS WAY."

~Lady Gaga

Affirmation

Remember this song?  I sure do.  I still have my heart set on a Savage Garden reunion.  And trust me, I WILL be first in line for concert tickets.



I believe the sun should never set upon an argument.
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands.
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you.
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do.
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem.
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself, alone.

     I believe in Karma - what you give is what you get returned.
     I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned.
     I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side.
     I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye.

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality.
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy.
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul.
I believe that family is more important than money or gold.
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair.
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires.

     I believe in Karma - what you give is what you get returned.

     I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned.

     I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side.

     I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye.

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness.

I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed.

I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists.

I believe in love surviving death into eternity.

     I believe in Karma - what you give is what you get returned.

     I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned.

     I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side.

     I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye.

Thoughts on Church

A friend and I recently had a quick discussion on going to church.  He asked where I stood in regards to having to attend church in order to be a student at BYU.  I told him that, for me, I don't get much out of going to church.  I only end up feeling bad about myself and it increases my feeling of being in a place where I don't belong.  Last year, I only went to church in order to maintain my Ecclesiastical Endorsement.  For those who do not know what I am talking about, BYU students are required to be annually endorsed by his/her bishop.  This "endorsement" tells the University and the Church that that student is worthy to attend BYU.  Because I am in my last year at BYU, this was the last endorsement that I would have to get. So, I went to church almost every week until I had my interview with my bishop (in which, of course, I was not completely honest about my life - I never told him I was gay) and I got my final Ecclesiastical Endorsement.  After that, I stopped going to church completely.  I do not think I have stepped foot into a church building since that day in the middle of March.

Church has always been hard for me.  I used to (and still do) dread those three painful hours every Sunday.  I never knew what someone was going to say that would be another blow to my self-esteem.  It was almost like a constant barrage that would never let up.  Every week, thoughts like "You are not worthy" and "You are a sinner" would pervade my mind.  I would count down the minutes until I could escape.  But because I was supposed to be the example of a good, Mormon boy, I put on a brave face and got through it.  Almost every week, I came home even more defeated and down on myself than before.  And trust me, I am not the only one who has and does feel this way.  How can something that proclaims to be so good for everybody cause so much despair and anguish?

I recently had a conversation with my mother regarding how I feel about the church and their stance on homosexuality.  I told her what I wrote in the last paragraph, and then told her that in the LDS church, they put so much emphasis on what you should not do, that it causes young men and women to develop a distorted mindset about those who live their lives differently.  The LDS church teaches it's members to not drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, get tattoos, or be gay, among other "no-no's."  After this has been ingrained in their minds long enough, anyone with does any of these things becomes the epitome of sin.  I used to see the world through these eyes as well.  Growing up, if I would ever see someone smoking, that person was a "bad person."  Those people standing in line at Starbucks were "bad people."  That motorcyclist with tattoos up and down his arm was a "bad person."  I had no idea who these people were, but because of what and how the church teaches, I was trained to believe that these people were naturally bad and not worthy of what I had.

The same goes for gays, lesbians, transgenders, etc.  Because somebody is gay, that automatically makes them not worthy?  But who is to judge who is worthy, and who isn't?  I believe that is the sole responsibility of God.  No man should ever judge another because he or she may live a different lifestyle.

That is why I feel that I do not belong in the church.  I am not saying that all members of the church are this way, but it is a highly prevalent ideology among Latter-day Saints that anyone who is different is a sinner.  And when a high-ranking Church leader basically says that atheists and homosexuals would bring about the end of world and organized religion altogether, it only allows this mindset to fester and further develop among members (Click here for the church's reporting on that talk - check out the last bullet point, and here for a gay perspective).

I am gay and not a sinner.  Let me say that again.  I AM NOT A SINNER!  I am worthy of whatever anyone else is worthy of receiving in the next life.  If I was born with an attraction to men rather than women (and, YES, you are born gay - it is NOT a choice), it does not make me a "bad person."  It just makes me different.  And as far as I am concerned, if I am in a relationship with another man, that is between me and him.  No one else.  Period.

Do not get me wrong, I do not hate the LDS church.  It is just not for me.  And I completely understand that for some people, the Church is what they need.  I try to be respectful of those who do need it.  I recently moved in with my aunt and uncle, who are very active in the church.  I participate in their family prayers when I am present for them, and I still respect their wanting to keep the Sabbath Day holy, and, out of respect for them, I have removed all my rated R movies from my collection and put them in my room.  My aunt and uncle are wonderful people and I love them very much.  They were incredibly understanding when they found out I was gay.  I am so grateful for them letting me stay with them so I can save money.  For them, the Church is everything, which is perfectly fine and I understand it.  But as for me, I do not foresee me going back to church anytime soon.

Also Kurt is a Ninja

Fabulous gay member of a high-school show choir by day......ninja by night!

An Apology and an Explanation

Dearest readers:

I would like to apologize for my month-long hiatus from the blogosphere.  Since I last posted, I have:

- travelled home to visit my family,
- began working full-time at my job,
- went to the Utah Pride Festival,
- made plans to move in with my Aunt and Uncle at the end of the month,
- attended my first gay wedding,
- started taking summer classes,
- began the process of (finally!) buying my first car,
- among other things (which I will reveal in a later post) ;)

So, in short, yes, the past month has been VERY busy.  Fun at times, stressful at others.  But overall, a good beginning of the summer.

Right now, there are a few things I would like to comment on:

Going Home: I was anxious about this trip because it was be the first time I'd seen my parents since coming out to them.  The trip turned out great.  Me and my mother talked a few times about me being gay.  These conversations turned out great and I feel even closer to my mom because of them.  I'm pretty sure my dad is okay with it, but he didn't show any interest in talking to me about it while I was home, so I never brought it up.  I did not come out to my siblings, and looking back, I probably should have.  I'm becoming more and more open about my homosexuality, and would hate for them to hear it from someone else before I had a chance to tell them.

Going home always ends up being a great experience.  I got to spend lots of time with my parents and my siblings, which I don't really get to do much anymore.  We went to birthday parties, went to movies, went shopping at the mall, had Roman Candle wars at midnight in the park, played games, and it all was great.

Utah Pride: So much fun!  It was my first time at Pride, and I had a blast!

First Gay Wedding: Beautiful!  As I told my mom, it was just like any other wedding, the only difference was that it was two guys.  Congrats to Michael & Brandon!  I wish you all the best in your happy future together!

Lost: The End of an Era

Today is a sad, sad day.  This evening we bid adieu to Lost, the pop culture phenomenon that has dominated our thoughts and TV screens for the past 6 years.  It is not often when a television show can touch a generation of TV watchers the way Lost has.  To be invested in this show for the past 6 years has had it's ups and downs.  There have been rough patches along the way when I said to myself "Why am I still watching this show?"  But, I am glad I have stuck it out.  I remember watching the Pilot episode way back in 2004, when it originally aired.  I was instantly and irreversibly hooked.  Since then, I have NEVER missed a single episode!  Ten Emmy Awards and a Golden Glode later, here we are, at the "The End."  Two-and-a-half hours somehow doesn't seem like enough to end such an incredible ride.  I am torn over tonight's episode.  I am dying to find out how the writers and producers are going to conclude this groundbreaking show.  But, at the same time, it will be hard to finally part ways with something that has been a part of my life for so long.  I will miss the characters and their back/forward/sideways stories.  I will miss the island and it's mysterious and supernatural characteristics.  But above all, I think I am just going to miss the thrill of anticipating the next week's episode, speculating and theorizing what will happen next, discovering the mythological and theological themes beneath the surface, and being surprised at every turn by unpredictable twists and shocking revelations.

Tonight's grand finale of Lost will be a huge milestone in pop culture and television history.  Possibly among the biggest finales of all time.  Right up there with the final episodes of M*A*S*H, Cheers, Seinfeld and Friends.  And in honor of this incredible ride coming to an end, I would like to hear your favorite moments from Lost.  What was your favorite gasp-inducing twist?  What was your favorite nickname from Sawyer?  Whose love story did you enjoy the most?  Who did you shed tears for when they unexpectedly died?

One of my favorite moments from Lost was the revelation of the flash-forward at the end of season three.  It was groundbreaking and completely unexpected.  I literally gasped and screamed when I figured out that we were now seeing into the future, not the past.  As for love stories, my hat goes off to Sawyer and Juliet.  I loved them together.  They were so different, but so perfect for each other. Which also brings me to Juliet's death.  Probably the most heart-wrenching scene of the entire series.  I cried when she was at the bottom of the hole, banging that darn nuke with the rock, and then a brilliant flash to white.  What an amazing way to end season 5.  But I don't think anything can top the spectacle that was the pilot episode.  The crash scene on the beach is absolutely stunning.  That single episode was enough to get millions of people, including myself, hooked for 6 years of incredible television.

Tonight will be rough.  It will be interesting.  It will be full of answers and twists.  But most of all, it will mark the end of an era.  The era of "the island."  The era of The Dharma Initiative.  The era of Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Locke, Hurley, Desmond, Juliet, Sayid, Ben, Jin and Sun, Charlie and Richard.  The era of LOST.

50th Blog Post!

First things first. Happy Mother's Day!

Today is not only a special occasion because we celebrate the great women who raised and nurtured us, but it also marks my 50th blog post! Cue fireworks and roaring anthems:

So, as a thank you to all my followers and everyone who reads my blog, I am going to share with you some videos of the music I am currently enjoying.

Sugarland, "Settlin'"





Erik Hassle, "Hurtful"





Shiny Toy Guns, "Rainy Monday"





Groove Coverage, "Poison"





Ke$ha, "Animal"





Lady Antebellum, "Need You Now"





Basshunter, "Angel In The Night"





P!nk, "Glitter In The Air"





Tiësto, "In The Dark"





Eurythmics, "Sweet Dreams"





Lady Gaga, "No Way"

Emotions Are Contagious

For the most part my life is going great right now.  I have a good job, I have great friends, and my family is being so accepting of me being gay (my aunt and uncle now know, also).  I have so much to be thankful for, and I am really, really happy in my life right now.  Ever since coming into the gay community five months ago, I have met some amazing people who have really been instrumental in me getting to where I am today.  I have become completely aware of myself, and I am comfortable with who I am, thanks in part to these wonderful people.

There is just one thing in my life that I can't seem to handle.  It's the fact that so many gay people are so depressed and down on themselves.  I am a naturally optimistic person, and I hate being sad, angry, depressed, or whatnot.  I avoid those self-destructive feelings like the plague.  I went through too much of that on my mission and I know first-hand just how destructive they are.  But, whenever someone close to me tells me that they are sad or depressed, I end up feeling sad or depressed for them.  I have a very close friend, who is down more often than not, it seems.  I want to help, but I always end up feeling so down that I can't do anything about it.  I end up shutting out this person because I can't handle being that way any longer.  He takes my silence as a lack of caring or indifference to his situation and he always manages to make me feel even worse for not talking about it.  It's very true when they say that emotions are contagious, especially the bad ones.  I just wish I could infuse some of my happiness into him.  I hate seeing him suffer like this.  I still have very strong feelings for this individual and I am still trying to get over him, but I hope that he can understand why it's so hard for me.  I know too well what he is going through.  But because I know it too well, I don't want to go through that again myself.  That's why I end up shutting him out.  Sometimes I just can't handle being around people like that.  And I am pretty sure I'm not the only one.

Lady Gaga - Time's Most Influential

Time magazine recently announced their annual Top 100 Most Influential People in the World.  And a big congrats goes out to Lady Gaga for topping the list in the Artists category.  Read what fellow singer Cyndi Lauper has to say about her.  It pretty much sums up my feelings about her too:

I first heard the name Lady Gaga through a mutual friend.  He couldn't stop talking about her.  Then I heard her music, and I thought, Wow, I love this kid.  

An artist's job is to take a snapshot - be it through words or sound, lyrics or song - that explains what it's like to be alive at the time.  Lady Gaga's art captures the period we're in right now.  These days, you go to a club and wonder who all these kids are.  They don't seem to have jobs.  How can they afford to be here? Her song "Beautiful, Dirty, Rich" explains that scene.  It's about the New York prep-school party kids she grew up with.  It's where she came from.  Gaga's lyrics are incredibly literary.  When "Bad Romance" starts, the music grabs your ear immediately.  Then she opens with the line "I want your ugly / I want your disease," and all of a sudden you're listening.  Most of the stuff on the radio is not very clever, but Gaga presents her ideas in a sophisticated manner.  She has an incredible pop sensibility.  

People forget how young she is.  She is barely 24 - much younger than I was when I became famous.  It's very tough being where she is right now.  People are pulling her in all different directions.  It's hard to navigate that.  Try to imagine what you were like at her age, if you still can.  I can't wait to see how she grows and what she decides her next act will be.  She only has two albums out, but already she is inspiring other artists to go further in their own work.  

When I see somebody like Gaga, I sit back in admiration.  I'm inspired to pick up the torch again myself.  I did an interview with her once, and she showed up with a sculpture on her head.  I thought, How awesome.  Being around her, I felt like the dust was shaken off of me.  I find it very comforting to sit next to somebody and not have to worry that I look like the freak.  She isn't a pop act, she is a performance artist.  She herself is the art.  She is the sculpture.  

And then she records this video:  

How mature.  Out of all the superficial "heroes" that so many people cast as role models, she picks Deepak Chopra as her hero, a person who actually makes a difference in this world.  And listen to what she says about how she wants to "go beyond the music" and create music that inspires people and touches them spiritually.  I think this shows that Lady Gaga is not just another pop superstar.  She is a human being with something to say, who happens to be a pop superstar.

(If you want to read up on others who made Time's Most Influential List, click here)

Betty White!

Gotta love her!  And, no joke, can we get her to host the Oscars?
"Type, Nerds!"

My Mom and My Blog

My mom found my blog.  Don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds.  In fact, I'm glad.  But it's quite a funny story.  The day after I came out to her, my mom called me.  She said the weirdest thing happened to her.  She said she was spending a lot of time surfing the web, gathering information about being homosexual and attending BYU.  She said she came across a blog in her searches and began to read about this blogger and his experience coming out to his mother.  As she read, she kept thinking - Wow, this conversation sounds so familiar. I guess all mothers ask the same questions, because this is exactly what our conversation was like.  My dear mother, kept reading, not realizing she had stumbled across my very own blog; I hadn't told her about it in our conversations.  It wasn't until she was just about done reading that post that it finally dawned on her that it was, indeed, my blog!  She had to call me immediately and tell me.  So now, my mom reads my blog (Hi Mom!).  Don't worry, I have no plans to cease writing.  I will still be here for your (and my mother's) reading enjoyment.

A Few Thoughts On My Weekend

I moved into my new place this week. I am now a resident of the Salt Lake Valley. Woot! I like it up here a lot more than Utah Valley. I am commuting to and from my job in Provo, however, until I get another job up here. I usually take public transportation, but every once in a while, I will drive. It's not as bad as it sounds, actually. To be honest, I quite enjoy it. Weird, I know.

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Anyway, my new place was not furnished, so I had a legitimate excuse to go to IKEA and buy furniture. I have been known to go to IKEA for no particular reason, which always ends up being a mistake - I can spend waaaay too much money in that store! But this time, I think I did pretty well. I got a bed, a dresser and a desk, all for a reasonable price. I saw so many cute things there that I would love to have, but I resisted the temptation to buy them.  My friend, and new roommate, came with me.  He had never been to IKEA before, so, of course, I had to bring him along. IKEA is like Disneyland, I told him. We had a lot of fun. It went something like this:

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

No, I kid. But it was a lot of fun.

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Saturday night was the Moho Party, which was really fun. I tried to be more outgoing and social, instead of being the wallflower that I normally am. It turned out to be great. I met some more people, which is always cool. We just talked and ate, and talked some more. Nothing more to the party than that. But it was great, nonetheless.

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On Sunday, I went to sacrament meeting in my new student ward. It was pretty good, until the last speaker. I tend to get a little anxious when people talk about certain things in sacrament talks. In this case, this speaker pretty much stated that everybody needs to serve a mission, because it will be the best thing that will ever happen to them. He went on to explain how his life has been completely changed because of his mission. Now, that's all fine and dandy for him, but when you say that everybody needs to serve a mission, I get really upset. I do not think that everybody needs to serve a mission. The missionary experience is not for everybody; it certainly wasn't right for me. And I have many close friends that have chosen not to go on mission, and in some of their cases, I actually laud them for that decision. Based on the experience I had, the mission would just be wrong for them. I would never wish for someone to go through what I did.

Then, still speaking about his mission in Italy, this speaker said, trying to be humorous, "My mission in Italy was difficult, especially with the Catholic Church and the Pope being there, leading them astray...." Whoa! That remark was tactless and it put me over the edge. At this point, I had to get up and leave. This comment proves the deep-seated intolerance and blindness of the majority of LDS church-goers. I do not, in any way, endorse the Catholic Church, but I always try to stay pretty open-minded about other people's beliefs. I respect them for what they believe, just as I expect others to respect what I believe. To say that my belief is somehow better than another's, is the epitome of bigotry.

Quote of the Week - 4/26/2010

"Excessive pride is a familiar sin, but a man may just as easily frustrate the will of God through excessive humility."

~~ from The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

Another highly recommended book, and it doesn't disappoint.  It is an official selection of Oprah's Book Club, which doesn't really mean anything to me, but it is probably among my favorites from the club.  I only just finished the first chapter, but it is a spectacular story.  I am seriously addicted to it.  It is quite long - just shy of a thousand pages - but if you like historical fiction (and even if you don't), this book is a great read.

The Power of Madonna

Best. Episode. Ever.

And This Is How It All Happened....

Last night began like any other Sunday evening.  I was in the middle of surfing the internet, chatting with people via Facebook, text, telepathy, etc.  I get a phone call from my mother and this is pretty much what went down:

Mother: "You know that I'm your mother, right? And that you can tell me anything, right?"
Me: "Yeah. Why?"
Mom: "Well, is there anything you want to tell me?"

Silence.  Seriously, I must've sat there for about two whole minutes not saying a word.  My heart was beating out of my chest.  I knew that this was it.

Me: "I'm guessing since you are calling and asking me this, that you pretty much already know."
Mom: "So, are you.....?" (Note how she shies away from the g- word)
Me: "Yes."
Mom: "How long have you known?"
Me: "To be honest, pretty much since Middle School."

I think this threw my mom for a loop.  She went on to remind me that they (my mom and dad) have asked me a few times in the past if I was gay and I always denied it.  I told her that growing up in the environment in which I did, that I was never really comfortable with it.  But now I am much more comfortable with it.

Mom: "So, when were you going to tell us?"
Me: "This summer, whenever I come home next."
Mom: "Are you okay with it?"
Me: "I am now.  I have really come to terms with being gay."

This is the first time that that word was used in our conversation, and it actually startled my mom.  She said, "It's so weird to actually hear you say that word."  I told her that if it bothered her, I wouldn't say it. She said that it was fine, it was just a little jolting to hear it out loud from my mouth.

Me: "Can I ask you what prompted you to call me and ask me this?"
Mom: "I've just noticed that all of your friends that you've added recently on Facebook are guys." Oh, great. My mom, the Facebook stalker.  "There is, like, one girl for every twenty guys that are your friends. And all of the guys have things like 'Pride' or 'Equal Rights' posted on their profiles."  Yes, people, you may have been stalked by my mother on Facebook.
Me: "Well, this isn't how I wanted you to find out.  I wanted to tell you face-to-face. But, I'm glad it's out there now."

My mom then went on to ask the obvious questions, like "How do you feel about the church?" and "Will you still be able to go to BYU? Do you still want to go to BYU?"  I was brutally honest with her; I told her that my faith in the church has never really been that strong, and that I usually just attend Sacrament Meeting, but not the other meetings.  I told her that I was still planning on finishing up and graduating from BYU.

Mom: "Are you in a relationship?"
Me: "No."
Mom: "Have you been in a relationship?"
Me: "No."
Mom: "Okay. 'Cause you know that, with the church, you can have only one or the other.  You can't have both."
Me: "Yes. I know that."

And then I throw the mother of all questions at her.  I know that this will determine exactly what my mother's true feelings are.

Me: "What would you think if I did get in a relationship, and got myself a partner?"
At first, she is silent. But then, "It wouldn't be easy.  It would hurt.  But, as with -------- and -------- (two friends of our family who are gay), I would just want you to be happy."

YES! That is pretty much what I wanted to hear.  I was so happy to hear that!  This was the point at which I could feel a burden being lifted off my shoulders.  At this point, I was so glad that we had this conversation.

We talked for another 10 minutes or so.  She said, "I'm gonna have a million questions for you." I said that I know and that she can call me anytime to ask me.

I feel so amazing right now.  I knew that coming out would be a relief, but I never expected it to be like this.  Me and my mother had an intelligent, mature conversation about my homosexuality, which is the best I could have ever hoped for.  And she shows all the signs of being a supporting mother who just wants me to be happy.  So, that is how it all went down last night.  Although it really wasn't my time or place of choice to do it, I am so glad that it's out there and that I don't have to pretend to be somebody I'm not around my mother.

Well, It Finally Happened!

April 18th, 2010.  A historic day in my life.  Today was the day I came out to my mother.  Yes, people, it's true.  I cannot put all the details in this post right now - I have finals tomorrow morning and I desperately need some sleep (we'll see how that goes tonight - my mind is racing at a million-miles-a-minute).  Stay tuned for all the juicy details.  Have a wonderful night, my beloved followers!

Answers: Part 3

shaantvis: "What reasons do you have for going to BYU? Any prospects in transferring to another school?"

Great question, shaantvis. I began serving my time back in 2006. This was during the time in which I was trying desperately to suppress my homosexuality. I was so ashamed of it; I was so afraid of people finding out. So, I went along with everything I was "supposed" to do. That included attending BYU, because that's what all good mormons do, right? If I had decided to go somewhere else, that would have elicited questions of "Why didn't you go to BYU?" or even worse, people assuming that I was not worthy to attend BYU. I thought that, for sure, if I decided not to go to BYU, people would somehow realize that I was gay. It's interesting to look back and realize just how naïve I was.

Even after my mission, I decided to come back to BYU, even though I knew it would be hard for me. I try not to regret any decisions I have made in my life, but coming back to BYU was probably not the wisest choice for me. Being back in "the bubble" brought back my anxiety and depression which I suffered through on my mission. Yet again, I had put myself in a location where I was afraid of people finding out who I really was.

I don't really hold any grudges against BYU, but I truly believe that, just like the LDS church, it's not really meant for everybody. It's perfectly fine for some people, just not for me.

As for transferring to another school, I have thought about it a lot, actually. However, I have decided against it. I only have two more semesters until I graduate. I do not want to take the risk of switching schools and losing credits in the process, forcing me to stay in school longer than necessary. I think I can handle BYU for one more year. As much as I do not like attending this school, it is a great academic institution. I like my classes and I learn a lot. A degree from BYU would only enhance my resumé. It would not be a blemish, like so many people seem to think.

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Rev. Dennis: "What is your favorite internet religious organization?"

Oh Dennis, you already know the answer to that.  eGrace International is, hands-down, the best internet religious organization ever created by man!  I am so proud to call myself a card-carrying member of eGrace.  For those who have not heard of the glory that is eGrace, please follow the link above and bask in it's awesome-ness.  Feel free to join - it's free!

(Dennis, was that a good enough plug for ya?)

Answers: Part 2

pgf: "If you had to kill a baby mammal through blunt force trauma, what kind of animal would you pick to kill?"

Hmmmmmm.......I think I would like to meet you, pgf. You seem to have a fascination with the macabre.

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Rob: "If you ran the Honor Code Office, what would you change regarding Mohos on campus?"

This is an interesting question. To be honest, I'm not sure. I understand why there is an Honor Code Office (HCO). Do I agree with all the things they do? Hell no! But to say that the HCO should not do anything about homosexuality, would be to say that BYU and even the entire church should reverse their standings on homosexuality. And, let's be honest, as wonderful as that may sound, it's just not gonna happen. Anytime soon, at least.

But to answer your question, if I ran the HCO at BYU, I definitely would make some changes. I would change the policies that allow "Honor Code Officers" to actively pursue and seek out those living the homosexual lifestyle. I have heard rumors, and I am not sure if they are true or not, that the HCO has "spies" on gay networking sites (e.g. Connexion) and even at gay clubs in Salt Lake. I find this to be a gross breach of privacy, and it would be the first thing I would change. People have their agency, right? So, they should be able to make their own decisions. This policy makes it feel like a lot of decisions are being made for us.

I also hate the "snitching" that occurs at the HCO. At any time, any student can report another student of violating the Honor Code, and remain completely anonymous. No evidence is required. This bothers me to no end! If I made my roommate angry for some reason, he could falsely accuse me of having sexual relations with another man to the HCO. I would get called in for questioning, and I would never know who reported me. Doesn't that just piss you off? I sure get heated when I think about it.

There are many flaws in the HCO, and they should be fixed. But, as I stated before, that's just not gonna happen.

Answers: Part 1

Thanks to all those who gave suggestions on what I should write about.  I will attempt to respond to all your questions over the next few days.  So, here goes:

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Horizon: "How has the knowledge of [other Mohos at BYU] while you are there affected you and your social life?"

I also was unaware of the number of gay guys here at BYU for the longest time.  I really, truly thought I was alone.  I felt like I was the only gay person in Utah County.  I was ashamed and embarrassed of being attracted to boys.  Ever since High School, I had tried to suppress my homosexuality.  Anything that would even closely associate me to being gay, I avoided like the plague.  On the outside, I successfully put on a brave face and convinced everybody that I was happy.  Underneath the façade, however, I was miserable and lonely.  I was this way throughout High School, my freshman year at BYU, my stint in the mission field, and the whole next two years back at BYU.  

Finally, my inner emotions came to a boiling point, and I literally had an emotional (but private) breakdown.  It was about this time that, thankfully, I stumbled across some online blogs by gay Mormons.  I had heard about blogging as a source of release and therapy, so I decided to give it a shot.  I began this blog last December in the midst of my emotional struggles.  How glad I am that I decided to give it a shot!  Many people (that I now call my friends) commented and began following my blog.  I was shocked that so many people here in Utah were in my same position!  

There was one follower in particular who invited me to hang out with him and his group of gay friends.  I stepped outside my comfort zone and accepted the invitation.  We went to Temple Square to see the Christmas lights.  I was so nervous, I hardly said a word the entire night.  But I will always remember that night, not because of what we did, but because of how I felt.  I finally found a group where I could completely be myself and not try to hide from it.  I felt so free when I was with them.  This experience gave me strength to get through my emotional breakdown.

While hanging out with this group one evening, there was someone else there that night.  I saw him and recognized him from somewhere, but couldn't quite put my finger on it.  We started a conversation, and pretty soon I figured out that he was also a student at BYU.  As we talked more and more, we discovered that we not only went to the same school, but we were in the same class!  And even more, we had sat right next to each other on several occasions during the semester!  What an astounding revelation!  I was so taken aback that I had sat right next to another gay BYU student and hadn't even realized it.  It was at this point that I discovered that maybe I wasn't as alone as I thought I was.

As time went on, through these friends, I came to know many more gay Mormons (Mohos).  Today, I am so much more at ease with who I am because I have so many great and wonderful Moho friends.  I am much more open with my sexuality, although not quite out of the closet yet.  Six months ago, there was no way in hell that I would've ever come out of the closet even a little bit.  But now, if someone asks, I will be honest.  And I even have plans to come out to my parents this summer.

I am so much happier, my life is so much better now that I have discovered the abundance of Mohos here at BYU.  Although I still have some struggles, I am confident that my friends will be there to support me.

What Do You Want To Know?

I have been racking my brains trying to think of something to post. Thus far, it had been quite unsuccessful. Therefore, I would like your feedback. What do you think I should write about? What do you want to know about me? I will not reveal my identity, nor any information that I feel would compromise my anonymity. Other than that, I am an open book. I would very much appreciate your ideas/feedback. Thanks, BYUMoho.

Quote of the Week - 4/3/2010

"It's not love to be static like the desert, nor is it love to roam the world like the wind. And it's not love to see everything from a distance, like [the sun] . . . . The world we live in will be either better or worse, depending on whether we become better or worse. And that's where the power of love comes in. Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are."

~~ from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (pp. 150-151)

At the recommendation of Jeremy, I began reading The Alchemist this week, and I love it! It is such a beautifully written story with such profound wisdom about life and each individual's "Personal Legend" or destiny. I haven't even finished it yet, but I am certain it will become one of my favorites. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it.

What's Wrong With Me?

I want to crawl into a deep, dark cave and stay there forever.

Anytime a friend of mine says that he/she is feeling bad or angry or sad or depressed, I somehow always manage to convince myself that it's all my fault.  Therefore, I get angry/sad/depressed as well.  This is how I feel tonight.

I'm a naturally sarcastic person.  This means that sometimes, without even thinking about it, I can be mean and rude and hurtful by the things I say.  When I get nervous or anxious, I can get kind of overboard with the sarcasm and teasing.  When I'm around a certain person (who I really like), I manage to get this way.  I get nervous because I want to impress him.  I tease him in what I think is a joking way, but it's after several of these teasings that I finally realize that I've gone too far.  I always try to brush it off by saying "I'm only mean to people I really like. It's when I start being nice to you that you have to worry."  That's bullshit.  And I know it.  I really need to treat my friends like they mean something to me.  Like I want them to remain close to me.  No more of this teasing crap.  I don't want to be known as "the bitch" amongst my friends.

So, to this certain person that I may have offended tonight, I want to say:

I'm sorry.  I love you more than you probably know.  You have brought so much light and happiness into my life since we met.  I don't want to lose such a great friend.  My actions are out of line, and I am going to try my hardest to work on it.  I love how we text so much that I have to clear my inbox almost once a day.  I admire your strength and stamina when dealing with your thankless job.  I absolutely adore your new glasses (you look sexy in them!).  And I love how sometimes we can say nothing at all, but still be saying so much.  Again, I'm so sorry for being such a jackass.

Love, Me

I Knew It!

Breaking News: Latin hearthrob Ricky Martin came out of the closet today on his blog.  

To this I say: Uh, duh!  C'mon Ricky, we all knew you were gay ever since the days of "Livin' La Vida Loca."  No, I kid.  To be serious, I comend him for his bravery. "Coming out - even in this day and age - takes courage."  So, congrats Ricky on being able to stand out and say "I am gay" in front of the whole world.  To do this deserves praise, no matter how obvious the announcement may have been.

Love

Is it the face of a child? Is it the thrill of danger? Is it the kindness we see in the eyes of a stranger? Is it more than faith? Is it more than hope? Is it waiting for us at the end of our rope?

I say it's love! I say it's love!

Is it the one you call you home? Is it the Holy Land? Is it standing right here, holding your hand? Is it just like the movies? Is it rice and white lace? Is it the feeling I get when I wake to your face?

I say it's love! I say it's love!

Is it the first summer storm? Is it the colors of fall? Is it having so little, and yet having it all? Is it one in a million? Is it a chance to belong? Is it standing right here, singing this song?

I say it's love! I say it's love!

Is it a veil or a cross? Is it the poet's gift? Is it the face that has launched over thousands of ships? Is it making you laugh? Is it letting you cry? Is it where we believe that we go when we die? Is it how you were made? Is it your mother's ghost? Is it the wish that I'm wishing for your life the most?

I say it's love! I say it's love!

So "Gleeful" I Could Die!

I am in such a wonderfully giddy mood this morning!  I am on cloud nine.  Something incredible happened yesterday and I just can't stop smiling because of it.  So, in honor of my gleeful mood, here are some awesome videos from the only-three-weeks-away return of Glee!

New Glee Promo





Sue's Corner: "Sneaky Gays"



Okay, is Sue not the funniest?!  I LOVE her witty quips and one-liners in both of these clips.  "How do you two not have a show on Bravo?" And I think "Swish it up" is gonna become my new catchphrase.

Impossibilities

Have you ever wanted something so badly but you know that it would be impossible to have?  Have you ever had something so close you could (figuratively and literally) taste it, but it just couldn't ever be yours no matter how much you wished for it?

It's like something so sweet, so delicious is being dangled right in front of me.  I can smell it's intoxicating perfumes; I can feel it drawing me in like a magnet.  It's almost impossible not to be overcome by it.  I would do anything for it.  But as I reach out for it, I discover there is a glass wall maliciously placed between me and the most desirable thing.  I get frustrated and perhaps a little angry that such a great and wonderful thing suddenly becomes impossible to have.  And yet, I still keep coming back to see it, to smell it's delicious odors, to again feel it's alluring magnetism.

Right now, I am content with returning to see it so often, but is it eventually detrimental to my sanity?  Am I setting myself up for a load of hurt?  Or am I such an optimist that I really think that things may eventually change?  Am I such a sucker for happy endings that I can't see any other possibility?

Happy News, Sad News

This makes me happy.

This makes me sad.

But, this and this make me very happy again.

Why We Love Lady Gaga

This post is in response to Quinn's question about why Lady Gaga is such a big deal in the gay world.  To be honest, I can't explain why she is such a phenomenon, but I will share with you the reasons why I love her so much.

First and foremost, she makes darn good music.  Plain and simple.  She is a genius at writing the most catchy tunes that will undoubtedly stay in your head for days afterward.  It takes a lot of talent to write so many unforgettable songs.  Most songs nowadays lack that power to stay with you; you hear them and once the next song comes on, you've already forgotten it.  I would not be exaggerating if I said that every song on Lady Gaga's The Fame Monster album has, at one point or another, gotten stuck in my mind.  The fact that she has 2 Grammy awards, 5 number one hits (4 in 2009 alone, the most ever in one calendar year), and has sold over 8 million records is impressive.  But to do it all by the time you are 23?  Now that takes some talent.

Second, she is a talented vocalist.  Lady Gaga is not some product of post-studio computerization like so many music "stars" today.  Have you ever heard Taylor Swift sing live?  She writes decent music, but she can't perform live.  Just take a look at her horrible showing at this year's Grammy's.  And Britney Spears, while her music is a guilty pleasure of mine, was caught lip syncing at a recent concert.  But Lady Gaga, on the other hand, can not only sing, but she can recreate her songs so they always sound new and fresh.  For example, check out this acoustic version of "Paparazzi."  And check out her piano skills!

Next, Lady Gaga absolutely refuses to play it safe.  Everything she does is a risk.  So far, she has not given in to the pressure to things "by the books."  That's why she has risen to the top so fast.  Her music is not the color-by-number songs that most of the music industry is used to doing.  She can pump it up on the dance floor with strong, upbeat songs like "Bad Romance" or "Poker Face."  She can also bring it down a notch and sing a song to evoke emotions out of the listener.  A great example is "Speechless" which she wrote to convince her father to undergo open-heart surgery.  Listen to it knowing that and I dare you not to feel greater appreciation for your parents.

Her cryptic and unusual mannerisms keep us guessing at every turn.  I still don't understand what she is all about, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want to.  Maybe once we understand why she is the way she is, we will no longer be intrigued by her.  In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Lady Gaga said, "In truth, there's nothing to understand about what I do.  It's whatever you think it is.  So if it inspires a reckoning about pop culture, music, feminism, gay culture...the point is to make a point."  So, pretty much, we may never understand what she's all about, which would be ideal.  Take from her what you will, and I will take what I will, because that's exactly what she wants.

I absolutely love that she is working so intensely on HIV/AIDS awareness.  This is something that unfortunately has been under the radar in the entertainment industry since the early 90's and Lady Gaga is trying to get attention to the disease once again, because, guess what, it still kills people.

Last, her fashion.  Again, in this area, Lady Gaga refuses to do what society tells her to do.  She embodies the rebelliousness in all of us.  Whenever she makes an appearance, the world waits on pins and needles to see what outrageous and over-the-top costume she comes out with.  While her costumes may be outrageous and over-the-top, they certainly are fun.  Most of her outfits also carry social statements, like her Kermit the Frog outfit (a statement against fur) or her Fire Bra (a commentary on the female body as a weapon).  Here are some other of Lady Gaga's most outrageous costumes.

When asked in an interview about why she is so outrageous, Lady Gaga spoke of her earlier years in grade school.  "I just felt like a freak, I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to liberate them [kids who are different], I want to free them of their fears and make them feel that they can create their own space in the world."  Thank you Lady Gaga for those amazing words of encouragement.  Thank you for letting us realize, through you, that just because we are different, just because I am gay, we can still be ourselves and we shouldn't be afraid of it.

So, there are many aspects to Lady Gaga that make me adore her.  And it may be that these are reasons why you can't stand her, which I will respect.  There are many popular artists out there that I don't care for, but I am sure you could list reasons why you like them so, like I have done.

"And now, I'm just trying to change the world, one sequin at a time."  ~~ Lady Gaga ~~

"You Belong With Me"...with a twist

This is so, so, so cute I can't even stand it!

Gaga & Honey B. Strike Again!

Gay Christmas came early last night in the form of Lady Gaga's newest music video "Telephone!" Thank you Lady Gaga for another entertaining and visually stunning music video (or rather, a nine-and-a-half minute short film with a song in it).  Gaga & Honey B, oh how you made my day.

"You know what they say, once you kill the cow, you gotta make a burger."

Warning! This music video does contain foul language and partial nudity. So watch at your own risk, and please don't get mad at me if you get offended.

Oscar Fashion

So, here we are. The Academy Awards are finished for 2010, and I must say that I enjoyed this year's ceremony more than I thought I would have. It was fun (um, helloooo NPH! totally did not see that coming, but thoroughly enjoyed his song and dance number).  And it was quite to the point.  There was not a lot of fluff that the ceremony has been bogged down in for years.  I mean, it even finished by 10pm! I went 19 for 24 in my predictions (not too shabby). In the major categories, I only missed Best Adapted Screenplay.

Okay, before I get to the fashion, I have a few things I want to get off my chest.  #1) To all those who seemingly loathe Sandra Bullock: Have you seen The Blind Side? She was terrific and gave a stellar performance! She totally deserved that award! As I said in my last post, I wish that Meryl Streep could've won, but thats not the reality.  Bullock gave a performance that was just as good as Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia. And, please, for the love of all that is holy, this was an award for ONE performance! It's not a lifetime achievement award! I know she's been in a lot of crap, but look at Jim Carrey's career for heaven's sake.  He was typecast as the dumb, irreverent comic, but went on to give stellar performances in both The Truman Show and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! I still can't believe he wasn't nominated for those roles.  Anyway, my point is that Sandra Bullock was a legitimate contender in that race and I am happy for her and, to be honest, I got choked up during her acceptance speech. #2) Did anyone else notice that Farrah Fawcett and Bea Arthur were completely absent from the In Memoriam montage?  Does this make anyone else as livid as it made me?  Yes, they may have been primarily television stars, but Michael Jackson was certainly less of a movie actor than either of them were.  It's like a spit in the face of these two beloved and venerated actresses.  This was the only major flaw of the evening.  Okay, now that that is done, on to the dresses!

I've divided the dresses into three categories: Hits, Misses and Mehs. And they are presented in no particular order.

Hits

Sandra Bullock If I had to pick a favorite, I think I would go with Sandra's beautiful golden dress to complement her new golden statue!

Kate Winslet I think she can officially become a permanent member of my Hit List. I don't remember a dress of hers that I haven't liked.

Demi Moore Yes, I know the dress color was a tad too close to her skin tone, but I adored the style.

Jennifer Lopez Was it the cool off-to-the-side train, or the fact that her dress was studded with Swarovski crystals?

Elizabeth Banks

Queen Latifah

Penelope Cruz Everything about this dress is awesome, but I just love the color on her.

Helen Mirren Classy, as always

Misses

Sarah Jessica Parker ewwwww. Her horrible fake tan completely threw off the so-so yellow dress.

Diane Kruger Could possibly be the sequel to Bjork's infamous Swan dress from 2001?

Charlize Theron Umm, I think you have something on your boobs.

Maggie Gyllenhaal Don't know what it is, I'm just not a fan. Maybe the watercolor print?

Miley Cyrus just an ugly color and design. Plus, STOP SLOUCHING!

Kristen Stewart Just . . . awkward. As always.

Carey Mulligan You know, the dress is fine, it's the hair that throws it all off.

Mariah Carey Sorry, but your boobs are just too big for that dress. How do they not pop right out?

Meh

Cameron Diaz

Zoe Saldana LOVED the top half. I never knew purple and gold could go so well together, but the feathered bottom threw off the whole dress.

Sigourney Weaver

Rachel McAdams Again, not a fan of the watercolor prints. But this dress' style is much better than Maggie Gyllenhaal's

Anna Kendrick

Tina Fey Sorry, Tina. I love you, but leopard print is so not in. But I am digging the one shoulder strap.

Meryl Streep Way to pull off the white Meryl, I just wish there had been a tad more to the dress.

Vera Farmiga Liked the color, but it seems as if she was emerging from a seashell.